Timepass 2

Torn between two directions.

Usual, isn’t it?

Such is the mental and emotional self — always pulling, weaving, and unweaving multiple threads at the same time.

Mind is restless, O Krishna.

So what is the present dilemma that seems to be creating ripples inside me these days?

It is perhaps related to my feeling of time itself.

I realize that I keep oscillating between two very different states of mind.

One says:

“There is still so much time ahead in life. I have already known and understood enough. And what next really? What new thing is left that will fundamentally change anything now? By the time we learn, we are already preparing to die. Life is perhaps just a tale told by an idiot — a long passing of time dressed up in different costumes.”

And then there is the other voice:

“Life is too short. Time is slipping away every moment. So much has already been lost in ignorance, laziness, hesitation, and procrastination. There is still so much to know, so much to understand, that one lifetime itself feels insufficient. I cannot afford even sleep. I need people, companionship, collaboration — after all, how much can one person do alone? One must keep learning, keep searching, keep moving toward truth.”

Strange thing is that both these reasonings continue living inside me simultaneously.

And somewhere between them, my ordinary daily life goes on.

How does one gain the right perspective on time?

Which of these voices carries truth?
Which one leads toward light and which toward darkness?

Years ago, I had asked a similar question to someone while visiting a beautiful place in the Himalayas.

My mind was restless even there.

Part of me wanted to return home — perhaps out of homesickness — while another part wanted to stay back because the place itself felt too beautiful to leave behind.

Sensing my confusion, he suddenly asked:

“What do you understand by Sadhana?”

Before I could answer, he smiled and continued:

“Sadhana is not meant only for ascetics or priests. A person is always in a state of Sadhana — knowingly or unknowingly. Life constantly places you at crossroads. It keeps pulling you in different directions at the same time. And in those moments, one has to learn to stand still.

Stand still and meditate.

Only then does truth slowly begin to reveal itself.”

At that time I understood almost nothing of what he meant.

But his words remained somewhere inside me and slowly came alive years later.

And perhaps even now I am still trying to understand them.

I am standing still…

while the world continues moving round and round in circles.