Timepass 2

Torn between two directions ! Usual, isn't it? Such is the mental / emotional self - always pulling weaving and unweaving multiple threads at the same time. Mind is restless O'Krsna !

So what is the current dichotomy that is creating ripples in the deeper ocean of my mind? It is surely related to the feeling of time in my life. I realize that I am stuck alternate between two kind of mindsets - one which says "There is lots of time in life ahead. I have known a lot and what next can I do ...that will really bring something new to me. and is anyhow any learning going to make any difference now. Haven't i known by now that by the time, we learn - we are ready to die. The life is basically a tale told by an idiot. It is primarily a time pass and time pass only - rest all is a facade" and second which says "The life is too short and time is running away. I have lost so much of time already in sheer ignorance and procrastination - let it be no more. I cannot even afford to sleep. There is so much to know; to learn that one life time is short. I need people; more and more so that the work can be divided, after all how much one alone could be able to do. There is a strong need to empower ourselves and rest ye not till the truth is known".
I realize that I am operating in my day 2 day life keeping both the reasonings alive. How to gain true perspective on "time"? After all, what of these 2 is the truth? Which path will lead to the light and which one is leading me to darkness?

I had posed a similar question to someone, years ago. Visiting a beautiful place in Himalayas, he sensed that my mind was indecisive. I wanted to go back home as I felt perhaps homesick - and I wanted to stay back for few more days because the place was too good to be true. His golden words still jingle in my ears although I understood not even an iota of what he said at that time. His words would come alive to me much later. He asked me as what you understand by "Sadhana"? and then answered himself - "Sadhana is not something meant for only ascetics and priests. One is always in the state of Sadhana either awares or unawares. Life is always putting you at the cross roads and splitting your own self into multiple directions. You are being pulled from multiple sides and you are required to stand still in all such situations. Stand still and meditate. Only then the truth will emerge...."

I am standing still ... while the world moves round and round in circles.

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